Day end

I dont want anyone else to know how i feel. Only u. I havent been able to sleep a second since last night.

Why is it that after so many times u break me apart i still kept crawling back? It kills me doing this. Im aware yet i still do it.

How do i let go... how do i let go of a person i loved so so so much? How do i walk away Z? How do i do what u do? Would u be kind enough to tell me?

I know i never loved someone this much before. Its not the memories Z.. its the experience the journey we went thru together. It strengthened my love for u but at the same time the journey weakened yours.

I dont want u to wake up to spams. So read this as so and when u have time.

I know i lost your respect seeing the way u treat me. Yet im still hard headed. I still break down at times. I still behave stupidly. I still throw away my self respect.

Seandainya hati u tkda pada i lagi.. biar kekosongan in diisi dengan rindu aje. Sandainya di fikiran u tkda lagi diri i.. biar diisi dengan taman yang indah penuh berbunga. Tak sanggup lagi i derita dan tak sanggup lagi dibuat u derita. Biar u mencari kebahagiaan hati u sendiri. I percaya u tahu apa yang terbaik buat diri u. Kalau i jadi gila biar i jadi gila bersendirian. Cuma i harap u akan tetap tahu apa u buat. Setiap langkah u, u tahu mana u pergi.

Apa yang ikhlas dari i, i harap u simpan dalam diri. Apa yang buruk dari i, i harap u buang sebagai pelajaran. Kemana arah kita takda org pun tahu. Biar kebaikkan biar keburukkan kita sendiri yang akan tahu suatu masa ni. Biar perpisahan ini suatu kesilapan atau pun untuk yang terbaik. Yang penting pendiriaan kita biar kita pegang. Atas mak andam dan rumah tu i serahkan pada u. Bila u bersedia, i akan bersedia. Tuhan jagalah bidadari hatiku.

Kasih sayang tk boleh dibeli, kasih sayang tak boleh diminta. Biar ia datang dan pergi dengan sendiri. Sejujur mana kasih sayang di hati u hilang, seikhlas itu i terima pemergiannya. Seumpama bintang hilang di waktu siang.. begitu juga hilang diri i sehingga tiba waktu malam. Sejauh mana u bawak diri, sejauh itu i ucapkan selamat tinggal.

Deep down.. i would love to get married have kids. But with my dreams broken. I cant bring myself to have those anymore 😔. I would love to be able to love again but i just can't.

No one would dare to love a broken man.

Please at least reply to me last on ig for the 2 things below.. i won't bother u anymore on ig after that..

1) tell me how and what should i do to remove u from mind and heart...

2) why do u do so much and go so far for john?

Please.. for old times sake.

By the time u read this.. i try my best.. to be gone. Simpan ku dalam doa mu.

I kept my promise since 2013 to marry you and never run away... where are u now?