D-37

Its been about over a month since you asked to break off our engagement.. Its the 6th of Jan 2017 so i shall just start off as..

Day 37.

You've been gone from SG for 6 days. Not a word not a sight of you. Im sick and tired of blaming you for anything. I just want you back in my life.

-The things you said before you went off to batam yes they left me crushed and wondering till this day. BUT.. i dont care. I really don't. I really would forgive no matter what you have done. Everyone makes mistakes even me.

-You told your mum u malu because of the things i did on new year. I truely apologise for that as i was not in a right state of mind. I had a good share of scolding from your mum and mine. Thats why i vow..as long as u are still somewhere somewhat a part of me, i would no longer use facebook,twitter and such that can post stupid stuffs.
*I beg your forgiveness for all that has happened and i hope u would ask forgiveness from the people whom really loves u.

-Back to this day.. my mum had a long talk with your mum last night and i had alot of scolding from my mum. She never really knew my life story and always blamed me for being anti social. I texted u thru sms with regards to why i am what i am.

-I still cant perform well at work. Im always lost in my own mind soulless. Today i slept thru half day at work because too much was on my mind. The 2nd half of the day i took off to send bike for repairs/inspection. These days im always wondering.. Where u are and what u are doing.. Are u doing well? Hope u are eating and sleeping well.

-Every single day there will be people who ask me abt our current status.. Sometimes they throw hurtful words.. Sometimes they tell me to be patient and believe that Allah will save me.. When will u be back? Im missing your voice and your texts and your smile. Even when you call to scold me or text to curse me its ok at least i know u are still around.

-Now that you are away.. Its so much harder.. So much difference. Like i dont know what to expect anymore.. I honestly hope u are clearing your mind over there and doing alot of proper thinking. Im still keeping up with prayers and i still havent given up hope. I know i degil and u might find that irritating but i feel this is the biggest life changing decision for me so i want to try until the very end..
So that over the years i would not have regrets of not trying hard enough.

-I dont mind u staying there for as long as u need but im really hoping u will return with good news..
I may be broken but if i must break to the fullest then i'll do just that.I'll try to change along the way of waiting for your return.

-Tomorrow is Rafiq's nikah. Wish you could have been there but i know u are away recovering. It hurts me alot to go weddings these days but he's my friend the least i could do is come with a smile kan? Please don't miss your meals. Cover up when sleeping it might be cold. Im still waiting for my love.

U were never my past. U may not be in my present. U were always my future.

Fad still loves Zee as of 6 Jan 17.